Sometimes life has broken eggs moments. You know the times where things just seem to shatter all at once and all you can do is just stare for a second and give out a long sigh. You may wonder, did I purposefully break an egg for this post? Haha nope, I had a quite literal broken egg moment at the beginning of the week and I did just have to give a long sigh. But before I cleaned it up, I felt like I needed to take a picture because I thought it may become a blog topic. And sure enough, here I am at the end of the week (the start of a new week), drawing from this moment.
As a Christian, there are times where I feel like a David. Asking God where are you, I am struggling , I am frustrated and tired. And it feels like I hear crickets in the night. It may not always feel like the living God who gave breath to you is in your midst, in the middle of your storm, your desert, or your dark night. And the devil will use these times to feed doubt into your mind, feed lies that you aren't wanted, God doesn't hear you, you are being left to figure things out on your own. All of these lies are a tactic to keep you stuck in your thoughts, to keep your eyes on yourself and your situation rather than Jesus. Why? Because taking your eyes off of Jesus is taking your eyes off your anchor and hope. And what happens when you don't have an anchor and hope? Without an anchor you begin to drift , you begin to be swayed by the worries and cares of the world because you don't have anything keeping you grounded in truth and what is steady (Mark 4:19). Without hope you begin to feel hopeless and don't see purpose in your circumstances.
I had a rough last week, well more so I had a rough couple days. I found myself asking God "why do I care so much"? And this question wasn't because I felt like I was doing too much good or anything. On the contrary, I felt like "why do I want to obey you Lord so much, because it's not always easy. It would be easier if I didn't care". Yes go ahead get all the gasps and shocking expressions out the way. I am just being honest because life isn't always flowers and rainbows and when we as Christians try to put on a front that life is that way we do more damage than good.
Anyways, I felt stuck this week, and what happens when I feel stuck, I quickly find myself in pit with no way out. So I am feeling this way at work, and I know I need worship music playing because if I don't my mind will continue to wonder into all the what ifs...Side note: You know music transforms the atmosphere. If you know me, I am always playing music and I do this because it just sets the rhythm of space you are in...So back to my story, in the midst of my questioning God this song Clean Heart comes on and it brought me to tears. I had to stop what I was doing go to a quiet place get on my knees, pray and repent. I was leaning into fear rather than faith and God was so good to gently guide my eyes back to his Word. His goodness and kindness leads his children to repentance. He isn't scolding because you doubt or question, his arms are open to bring comfort and healing. It was at this moment a divine peace came over me. I felt it in my body the heaviness I was feeling most of the day dissipated, I felt like I could think and breath again. The next song that came on was Set My Eyes . You see,the Lord first drew me close to Him through repentance then He opened my eyes to remind me that He is in my midst, He has never left and all I need to do is gaze upon Him and the storm won't seem so grand because He is bigger than the waves. I mean at this point all I could be is thankful, God was telling me I am with you always, keep focused on Me.
God had turned my day around in two songs. How? By pointing me back to Himself, and off of the situation around me, off of my feelings and back to truth. Psalm 51: 10 is a cry from David of repentance. David knew who he could turn to for forgiveness and restoration. That is what Christians must remember, that they can turn to the living God who doesn't shame them for their doubt, questions, or frustrations but rather He opens his arms even wider saying "I see you still come to me, I am big enough for all of your thoughts, questions and frustrations. Trust me with them". Hebrew 12 reminds us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, don't give up. It is a reminder that God's discipline and correction to His children is out of Love, to bring them even closer to Himself.
You see I knew the answer to my question to God "why do I care so much" I was asking this out of frustration, I was leaning into fear. Why do I care so much? Because I love God so much, He loves me so much. He only ever wants what is good for me and I only ever want to please Him and bring honor to His name. Jesus died for me, He gave his life and was resurrected from the dead so that I don't have to fear death (John 3:16-21). I can come boldly to the throne room of God and dwell in his presence (Hebrews 4:16). I have an everlasting hope whose name is Jesus (1 Peter 1: 3-9).
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God hears. God sees. God loves, listens and answers.
Thank you Lord for your goodness, thank you Lord for you kindness and steadfastness. Thank you Holy Spirit for your comforting voice and hand in my life. I will sing praises to you Jesus all the days of my life. You are my strong tower, the one I find hope, my anchor and source of joy. Let your love abound in my life and in my mind. You are holy and worthy of all honor and praise. Let my life be a living sacrifice for you. In Jesus Name AMEN
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Psalm 51:2 "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me"
Hebrews 12:1-2a "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith."
Psalm 73:26 "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
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If you didn't already listen to the songs above I am inviting you to take a listen. Take some time out your day and just sit in the goodness of God. Be reminded of his Love for you. Repent if you need to. Draw near to Him, He isn't ashamed of you, He wants to hear your heart and He wants you to hear his heart for you!